Before we moved to DC I wanted to write a blog about the changes we were about to go through. I started, that was the easy part. But I was unable to motivate myself to continue writing after the first few posts. Im looking at my blog now, and in the last 4 months, I have written 10 posts. My goal was to do 2-3 a week, so I really should have more like 24-36 posts up by now.
It's a combination of things that has brought my writing to a screeching halt, and I am ok with haven taken the time to go through those things with out over analyzing them in order to be able to write about them. I'm still not sure I should, but Im going to start with the easier things.
Job hunting frustration. I enjoy working. (Correction!) I have enjoyed my last few jobs. Which makes it a lot easier to climb out of bed in the morning and go. I have been job hunting since we moved, and I had expected it to take a while for me to find a job that I would enjoy enough to motivate me most days; but not this long.
I havent found it.
Im still looking.
Its a frustrating situation.
I applied to a major retail store that I had worked for previously, because I was going crazy sitting at home trying to keep myself entertained. As I started working I put a lot of pressure on myself. In my mind I realized that this was only a part time, keep me busy while Mike is busy, don't really need it, kind of job; I wasn't treating it like that, with such easy expectation and flexibility. I became a working machine while at work, and picked up many more hours than I should have (thats a LOT of standing I was not used to). To the point that one day before work it all hit me, I didn't enjoy this job. At all.
I had put to much pressure on myself I was trying to make it something it was not. I was trying to make it more.
I was frustrated.
I had to have a talk with Mike, and then a lot of thinking and re-arranging expectations. Since then I have limited the amount of hours I will work at once, and how many shifts.
Im looking at this job now as I should have the first few weeks.
I am much less frustrated.
I have lowered my expectation of this job, I doest not have the fulfillment level that my previous jobs had, and I'm beginning to be ok with it.
I hadn't admitted it at first, but its a step back, a big step back in my "career".
I was trying to make it a step up from my previous jobs, and I think that is what was the most frustrating. Its not a step up, its definitely a step down.
But, I have found my motivator: to be able to quit this job, because I have a better job!
Thats what keeps me going, I cant wait to go in and quit this job.
